On the other hand (and I honestly don't know how LM got through this), the fight is not over. He has not yet decided that he has the power not to suffer, and he has not yet opened up his arms and heart to whatever the future may bring. He's not there yet. He's still mired in confusion, pain and fear and, for the most part, he's still not in the camp of acceptance but in the camp of avoidance. As such, he has a long way to go. And this makes the day-to-day much harder. I try to remember that I'm not waiting per se; I'm to be unattached to outcome, as there are no guarantees in this. But remaining vulnerable while creating my own happiness is difficult in the midst of some meassure of progress. I want this race to be over already; I don't want it to be a marathon, I want it to be a sprint. But it isn't. True growth takes time. And, as LM says, it took me working with an amazing therapist on a semi-regular basis over a period of years to confront my issues and tackle my problems; I can't expect him to do the same all on a summer's day, particularly given all that's on his plate.
So, I continue to live day-to-day. And, as I do so (not sitting by the phone waiting; not daydreaming about all we were and could be again), I find it necessary to take stock and give thanks. It's what gets me out of my fear and into this moment, today.
As always, feel free to leave your comments.