This particular cliche has hit home the last couple of days. I want so badly to tell He Who Is In Personal Crisis that I know what's going on in his head and his heart (and he doesn't). That it's untreated trauma and grief. That my own fear was triggered by his, and that we ended up in an unfortunate place because of it in May. That it doesn't say anything about our compatibility but about our own individual issues. That, in fact, our relationship could serve as the healing balm to the pain related to those individual issues (by restoring the affiliative bond). That we can and should overcome this. That shutting me out is the very last thing he needs to do right now. That he desperately needs to talk to somebody. That, yes, many people grow through the grief process, but equally as many end up in scary places. That he should find himself in the midst of gratitude for that which he does have. That life is actually about just that: being grateful for that which we do have and accepting of that which we don't have. That, in turn, this experience can make him either a better, kinder, more loving person or an angrier, meaner and more resentful and selfish person. That it's his choice, but that inaction is a choice, too. That facing up to what he has been through is the only way to get past it. That otherwise he will just build walls around that pain and constantly avoid it. That he can allow himself to be loved and comforted during this process. That it's okay not to have it all together all the time.
But, as Laura Munson said in This Is Not the Story You Think It Is, "he's not hearing my voice. His own is too thunderous." Or, as this article on the aforementioned cliche says, "Whenever you see a friend in need your first impulse is to help him, to give him some pieces of advice you consider would be of great help to him. But there are moments when all that is useless because he doesn't even pay attention to you or because he thinks you are wrong and he is right." That is exactly right. The article advises just being there and allowing them to ask for help after they've seen that you just want to be there and accept the need for assistance. And while that's a little simplistic, I think that's correct. He's not going to be able to hear what I have to say until he's ready to allow himself to be wrong. And that's that.
In spite of that, there are two big reasons to take stock and give thanks today:
#62 - A long conversation last night with my best friend, whom I rarely get to talk to.
#63 - An unprompted message last night from He Who Is In Personal Crisis. He's still withholding tons of information, but I think he's realizing that I'm serious about not walking away in anger or begging/persuading out of desperation. And that he's going to have to do something eventually because I won't stay in this limbo stage forever.
In unexciting but important news, I'll be spending the next few days editing all of my recent entries (50+) for grammatical and typographical errors, as it appears many of my changes aren't updating in Weebly.